


If one Thing had Been Different, Would Everything be Different Today?

by maryshedr



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Clexa, Clexa is Endgame, F/F, Feels, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Lexa says I love you, Mutual Pining, Slowburn Clexa, Starts at 3x07, lexa doesn't die
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:34:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25666000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maryshedr/pseuds/maryshedr
Summary: What happens when Clarke decides to stay in Polis; alongside Lexa and not behind the blockade in Arkadia?Will they be able to forge a relationship in their lives on the ground and all that they entail?Will they ever get their “maybe someday?”
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 14
Kudos: 115





	1. Been Saying "Yes" Instead of "No"

**Author's Note:**

> The chapter titles are all lines in Taylor Swift's song "the 1"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke knows that the blockade is the logical decision. The one that ensures her safety; her survival.
> 
> But maybe she deserves more than just trying to survive through this mess.
> 
> Maybe, she deserves to live.
> 
> Clarke decides that Lexa is too beautiful to let slip through her fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii :’)
> 
> this is my first fic on here and i know i’m not a very good writer but i’ve wanted to write clexa fic for a long time. i might continue this one-shot into a story... obviously lexa wouldn’t die.
> 
> enjoy!! tell me what u think :p

Clarke knows what she’s expected to do, she shouldn’t even be questioning it. Get behind the blockade as soon as possible, back to where her people are. She fully understands the situation and the choice she has to make but no matter what she tries to tell herself, she continues to feel the waves of indecisiveness roll through her body.

“You were born for this, Clarke.”

She doesn’t want to admit it, not even to herself, but Lexa’s right. She doesn’t want her to be right but it seems that she always is. Because deep down, Clarke knows that she’ll never get used to being a leader. Having to make the difficult choices that come with the title has almost become… unbearable. She feels as if she always has to apologize for something. The harsh decisions she’s been forced to make, and quite frankly, will continue to have to make… they haunt her. Her dreams are, literally, haunted by the faces. All of them. The victims and affected alike; all from her actions. Her doing. Her fault. Every day she continues to breathe is a never-ending reminder of the ones that look down at her in disappointment. Bellamy, Jasper, Raven, Octavia, her mother… but no matter how much she’s cracking beneath the pressure, she has no choice. She can’t run from who she is. Hell, the moment she tried to run, everything went to shit. So no matter how many she hurts, no matter the continually increasing amount of blood on her hands, Clarke Griffin will bear it so they don’t have to. She knows she has to leave her.

But Lexa is an enigma that has occupied her thoughts ever since they first met. A puzzle that Clarke wants to be the one to solve. She doesn’t want to leave the pieces behind nor those pretty emerald eyes that hide the answer. 

Clarke knows she’ll never be able to forget her.

She’s in too deep, and she knows she’s been falling for a while; helplessly trying to swim to the surface. What she doesn’t realize, however, is that she’s already drowned. She’s become attached way too quickly, creating the very conflict she’s currently stuck in the middle of. She loves her. And this revelation is fatal.

It takes Clarke a moment to realize her feet are carrying her to that very battlefield as she crosses the threshold into Lexa’s chambers. She strides across the room she’s become used to, the furniture basking in the golden hue from the open window. Her eyes dart around before landing on the commander.

But it’s not the commander she finds. It’s Lexa. Her hair is free of the warrior braids Clarke is used to seeing her in. Instead, it falls to the side of her face in wavy, voluminous, pieces; highlighted in the sunlight streaming onto her features.

Clarke quickly becomes lost in the beauty of her; this girl. Her Lexa. A fearsome leader of thousands, yet nonetheless the most vulnerable, gentle soul she’s ever met. Maybe that’s why she’s in so deep, for their relationship has bloomed behind closed doors; in the comfort of just them two and the walls that surround them. She’s learned that there’s a side of Lexa reserved for her and only her. She’s opened up to Clarke, and it is as beautiful as it is terrifying.

“When do you have to leave?” Lexa asks in an almost inaudible tone. Her emotions seep through her voice, dripping a sadness that Clarke can’t bear to hear; let alone be the one responsible for.

Clarke almost loses it.

Yet again, Lexa has read her like an open book. She knows Clarke isn’t going to stay. The blonde clears her throat, forcing her eyes up to the green ones facing her expectantly.

“Now.”

There’s a pause between the two. Not uncomfortable; it never is. Clarke is sure that she could spend hours in total silence with Lexa, as long as she could feel her presence.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke murmurs, averting her gaze from Lexa’s. She squeezes her hands into fists, desperately trying to subdue her emotions and get herself back under control.

“Don’t be,” Lexa whispers, her voice deliberate and insistent. Clarke meets those beautiful green orbs once again, looking into the irises that make her feel at peace.

“You have to go back, they’re your people.”

She’s overwhelmed by her response. The genuity behind Lexa’s words… they hit her at full speed. She feels the guilt wash over her because here Lexa is, standing before her in absolute forgiveness. Forgiveness that she doesn’t deserve one bit.

Clarke had spent days upon days confining herself in the guest room at Polis, adamant on ignoring Lexa at all costs. She was broken, shattered at the memory of Lexa walking away from her when she had needed her the most.

And now it’s she that is leaving the brunette, walking away from what they have. And all the while, Lexa is assuring Clarke that she has no need to apologize; totally ignoring that Clarke has been declining Lexa of the forgiveness she, too, needs.

Lexa understands Clarke’s duty to her people. Not only does she understand, she knows. She knows the burden of having to exist solely for her people; protecting them at all costs. The commander has had the weight of the world resting on her shoulders ever since she was a child. She’s still a child.

Clarke thinks this may be the saddest thing she’s ever realized.

“That’s why I-“

And just like that, Clarke snaps her attention back to the present.

Were those words spoken? Is she hallucinating? Surely it has to be her mind playing terrible tricks on her, punishing her for what she has to do. Nonetheless, she looks into Lexa’s eyes for an answer. She’s practically pleading for something, anything; a give-away to what she could possibly be feeling right now.

“That’s why you’re you.”

Both girls know what those words mean to convey, the confession hidden between the lines.

I love you. 

Lexa gives the blonde a small smile, an unreadable look taking over her features.

Clarke decides that she doesn’t like goodbyes.

“Maybe someday, you and I will owe nothing more to our people,” she whispers.

The words are equivalent to a fantasy story; nothing other than a dream that can and never will be. Not in this lifetime.

“I hope so,” Lexa replies nonetheless. She gracefully steps forward to extend an arm, meeting the sky leader halfway. Clarke looks down at the offer, feeling her own arm reach out to meet hers.

As soon as they touch, everything feels right once again. Like the pieces are back in their rightful place. She forces her orbs back up to Lexa’s, inhaling a shaky breath.

Clarke isn’t alone in her conflict, for Lexa truly believes she has never seen anyone so beautiful before. The rays of sunlight stream across Clarke’s gorgeous blue eyes and cascade further into golden locks. Lexa knows that she shouldn’t say it, shouldn’t create false hopes, but the thought of never seeing each other again clouds her better judgment.

“May we meet again.”

It’s a whisper; so soft and sweet that it sounds like some sort of lullaby to Clarke’s ears. She sinks into the words, relishing the feeling before it will soon, inevitably, slip out of her grasp. These moments have always been fleeting with the commander, the times where Lexa is just Lexa and Clarke is just Clarke. She doesn’t want to stand by and let this moment pass.

Yes, Clarke knows that the blockade is the logical decision. The one that ensures her safety; her survival.

But maybe she deserves more than just trying to survive through this mess.

Maybe, she deserves to live.

Clarke decides that Lexa is too beautiful to let slip through her fingers.

So, before she can fully register her actions, she’s slightly tugging the brunette’s arm to meet her lips. And the second they meet, Clarke can feel her walls come crashing down. Because this is what home feels like. The blonde pressing soft kisses to urgent lips and cradling the commander’s thick, brown hair in between her fingers. Clarke sighs into the kiss, gently cupping Lexa’s defined jaw as they continue the slow battle of their tongues. The blonde already misses the feeling of Lexa’s lips as soon as she pulls back for oxygen, breathing heavily into her mouth.

When Clarke musters the courage to meet the girl’s eyes once again, she’s met with something she never thought she would see.

In the corners of green orbs are tears, actual tears, that are on the very precipice of taking the plunge and staining porcelain skin. Lexa is crying and Clarke has never felt so shattered before. She trembles as she rubs her calloused thumbs over the girl’s smooth cheeks.

“Lexa...” Clarke whispers shakily. She struggles to find the words that could even possibly convey the sheer depth of what she feels for the girl.

Lexa simply nods in response, smiling as she blinks the tears back.

She knows. She just knows.

“I know, Klark, ai hodnes.” She strokes the side of the blonde’s face, possessing a reverence that tugs at Clarke’s heartstrings.

“Ai hod yu in, seintaim.”

And in that moment, Clarke realizes that home isn’t a place; but a person.

Arkadia isn’t her home, not anymore and hell; maybe it never was. 

Clarke has made her choice, and she knows it’s the right one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigesdasleng translation:
> 
> “Klark, ai hodnes:” Clarke, my love.
> 
> “Ai hod yu in, seintaim:” I love you, too.


	2. And if my Wishes Came True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her love for Clarke is like a tidal wave; all-consuming and relentless in its intensity.
> 
> If she were to lose Clarke, she would fall apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys :’)
> 
> surprise!! i’m turning this into a story hehe. i have a whole storyline planned out and i’m estimating that this story may be 20-30 chapters in total... so here’s the start of a long journey!
> 
> anyways... this chapter is pretty short, it’s mostly a filler and i mainly wrote it so i could introduce this as a story now. it’s literally all fluff, SO MUCH CLEXA FLUFF and some feels in between. it’s gonna get really angsty quite fast, so i wanted a chapter where they could just be soft girlfriends before the chaos begins.
> 
> hope you enjoy!! as always, tell me what u think in the comments :)

The first thing that registers in Clarke’s mind, as she slowly blinks the sleep from her eyes, is that the bed she’s lying on isn’t hers.

Where the fuck am I?

It takes her a few, long moments until her eyes adjust to the darkness; the room engulfed in the pitch black of the night. She pulls the blankets further onto her body as the cold air blows through the open window.

The second thing that registers in Clarke’s mind is that somebody’s lying next to her, fast asleep and buried under the furs. She slowly inches her body, which she’s realized is very much naked, to the edge of the bed. She swings her seemingly... aching legs over the side, her feet meeting the cold floor.

The memories of the past day begin to come back to her in slow, vague pieces.

Something must have tired her out enough to the extent of which she can’t even fucking remember where she is right now… Not to mention the fact that she can’t explain or even remember the person she’s currently sharing a bed with.

“Clarke?”

The sudden noise makes her jump at first, her body stiffening at the voice.

Well there’s her answer; she automatically recognizes who it belongs to. Hell, it’s a voice she’d never be able to forget.

And that’s when she fully remembers what the past hours have entailed.

“Lexa,” Clarke breathes out through a smile, turning her head to look back at the girl.

“Are you alright?” Lexa whispers, moving her position to sit up. Clarke watches the brunette’s long hair fall around her shoulders as she moves.

“Clark-”

Before Lexa can get the word out, Clarke turns around and silences her with a kiss. Lexa responds after a moment, cupping Clarke’s face to deepen the kiss as she lets out a muffled noise of surprise. When the blonde pulls back to look at her, she feels a smile slowly start to spread across her lips.

Lexa’s eyes remain closed for a moment as she attempts to regain her breath, leaning her forehead to rest against Clarke’s.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to kiss you for?” Clarke whispers, playing with a strand of Lexa’s hair. Lexa opens her eyes at that, smiling at the girl in front of her.

“I don’t know, Clarke. You were the one that pulled away from our first kiss,” Lexa teases, her eyes sparkling with amusement. Clarke just shakes her head, rolling her eyes as she lightly pushes Lexa back into the bed. Before the girl can stop her, she swiftly straddles her; letting the blankets fall off of her body.

“Clarke,” Lexa whispers breathlessly, looking up at the now exposed girl hanging over her.

“Are you saying that I don’t want to kiss you?” Clarke whispers into Lexa’s neck, leaving a slow trail of kisses along her jawline.

“I-,” Lexa stammers, lightly sliding her hands over the exposed skin on Clarke’s sides. “Prove it,” she whispers.

Clarke pulls her head back from the assault on Lexa’s neck, admiring the small marks she’s left on her skin. She switches her gaze to meet Lexa’s expectant eyes on her, smiling at how easily the girl can be affected by her. The blonde lowers her head back down, lightly tugging at Lexa’s chin to meet her lips. She feels the muffled noise of content die on her lips as they collide, pressing as far into Lexa as humanly possible.

Lexa’s the one to pull back after long moments, her eyes fluttering open and a blush spreading across her cheeks.  
“Clarke, it’s too cold for you to be so exposed,” Lexa says between sharp intakes of breath, trying her best to regain her composure.

This girl is too damn cute, Clarke thinks to herself, lowering her lips back to Lexa’s with a shrug of her shoulders. She feels Lexa’s hands slide up the front of her neck as she lets out a small whimper in response. But before Lexa can stop her, the blonde pulls back and rolls off of her body, leaving her breathless. Clarke lands on the bed with a soft thud, staring up at the ceiling. Lexa looks over at her, taking in her side profile as she lightly rolls her eyes.

“Yu laik na be the wamplei gon me,” Lexa whispers into the silence.

Clarke meets her gaze, a look of confusion taking over her features.  


“I may be trying to learn your language, but I’m not that fast of a learner.”

Lexa smiles at her response, breaking the gaze to look up at the ceiling. “I said that you’re going to be the death of me, Klark kom Skaikru.” The girl hears a small chuckle form in Clarke’s throat, looking down to see that the blonde has entwined their hands.

“Your spirit isn’t going anywhere, Lexa. Not on my watch.”

Lexa looks back at her, giving her a small smile and a nod in response. She slowly moves closer to the blonde, pressing their bodies together beneath the furs.

“What do we make of this, Clarke?” Lexa whispers. Her voice is small and in a way, she sounds scared. Clarke looks down at her, instinctively wrapping her arm beneath Lexa’s head.

“What do you mean, Lexa?”

The girl sighs, slightly adjusting in the blonde’s arms to bury her face into her neck.

“Us,” Lexa whispers after a moment. Clarke sighs, folding her other arm across Lexa’s waist.

“I don’t know,” Clarke replies honestly, chewing the inside of her lip. She leans her cheek to touch the top of Lexa’s head, reveling in the feeling of holding the girl in her arms.

“But no matter what happens, I’m here. I’m not letting you go,” Clarke whispers.

She continues to hold the girl in her arms, pressing against her body as closely as she can. After a few, long moments of silence, Lexa brushes her head away from Clarke’s neck to look into the girl’s eyes.

“I can’t let anything happen to you,” Lexa says to her, holding her arm out to caress the blonde’s face.

“If anything were to happen, if I were to lose you…” Lexa continues, closing her eyes as her voice becomes unsteady.

“Lex-”

“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, Clarke.”  
Lexa opens her eyes, blinking back the tears that are threatening to escape.

“You’re mine now, I can not lose you.”  


“Oh, Lexa.”

Clarke pulls the girl’s face back into her arms, her breathing growing irregular as tears begin to well up in blue orbs.

Lexa presses her body as much as humanly possible into Clarke, beginning to shake in the girl’s arms. She can’t help the tears from falling; there’s too many and it becomes a lost cause. She clutches onto Clarke as if she were her life line, her cries muffling into her arms.

In a way, she is her life line.

Lexa had loved Kostia, but it wasn’t the same. It’s nowhere near the love she feels for Clarke. Her love for Costia was pure and innocent, for she had been such a young girl then.

Her love for Clarke is like a tidal wave; all-consuming and relentless in its intensity.

If she were to lose Clarke, she would fall apart.

She can’t remember the last time she’s cried like this; been so vulnerable and emotional in front of someone. But Clarke doesn’t say anything, just lets the girl have her moment as she squeezes her in her arms. She knows this moment is probably long overdue.

“I’m here,” Clarke whispers, tightening her hold on the girl. She feels Lexa’s arms wrap around her waist, nodding against the girl’s skin.

After a while, she slowly withdraws her head from Clarke’s arm, placing a soft kiss on the girl’s cheek as she moves to cup the side of her face. She holds her gaze for long moments before resting her forehead against hers.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Lexa. Have I ever told you that?” Clarke smiles, slowly moving her arms to cup the girl’s cheeks. She brushes the remaining tears away with her thumbs, placing a soft kiss on her nose. Lexa giggles, she fucking giggles, and Clarke wants to drown herself in the sound.

“No, I don’t think you have.”

“Well, that’s a shame; because you’re like- really fucking beautiful.”

An impossibly large smile spreads its way across Lexa’s lips.

“Yeah?” she questions.

“Yes. Really, Lexa. A hundred percent. You’re like the most beautiful girl in the worl-”

Lexa cups Clarke’s face and pulls her in for a kiss, smoothing blonde curls against the girl’s head. She pulls her lips away from Clarke’s to kiss down her neck, slowly trailing across the exposed skin.

“Lexa,” Clarke breathes, squirming under her touch. Lexa continues her slow assault on the girl’s neck, stopping at a certain point to lightly bite an area beneath her jawline. Clarke lets out a breathy moan as she sucks over the bruising skin, arching her back into Lexa’s figure.

The brunette slowly pulls away, admiring her work before smiling down at a very flustered Clarke.

“Sleep now, Klark. There will be much to deal with tomorrow,” Lexa whispers against her skin, protectively wrapping her arm around Clarke. She softly nuzzles her head against her, releasing a content sigh before her eyes flutter closed.

“Tease,” Clarke pouts, pressing into Lexa’s hold nonetheless.

“You love me,” Lexa replies in an adorably sleepy voice.

“I do,” Clarke smiles. Lexa only stirs in response as she succumbs to sleep.

“Reshop, Heda.” Clarke whispers, placing a lingering kiss on the top of Lexa’s head.

For the first time in a while, Clarke falls into a sleep that isn’t plagued with nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigedasleng translation:
> 
> “Yu laik na be the wamplei gon me:” You are going to be the death of me.
> 
> “Reshop, Heda:” Goodnight, commander.
> 
> “Klark:” Clarke.


End file.
